Wait, there's more

If I were to write TV ad copy for National Deed Service, here's how the script might go (read this in the voice of the announcer for the classic Ronco ads):

Announcer: "How much would YOU pay for a copy of a certified deed to your house -- the legal document that protects your right to use and enjoy your property? $100? $200 or more? Before you answer, consider that to obtain this document yourself, you might have to travel miles to a regional governmental record keeping center, stand in long lines, talk to bureaucrats, and pay processing fees. Just parking your car could cost you $20! THE HUMANITY! National Deed Service takes care of the whole process for you. Just fill out a simple form, and you'll receive your certified deed in the mail within 30 days! That's all there is to it! And how much would YOU expect to pay for this service? Not $100, not $90 -- what? Oh ... (voice falters slightly) well yes, maybe $89.50 depending on where you live. Or for as little as, $69.50, or even $59.50 in some areas if you act NOW."

Announcer continues at double speed: "National Deed Service and its affiliated companies, including California Record Retrieval Inc., Illinois Deed Provider Inc., Nevada Deed Provider Inc. and Florida Record Retrieval are not affiliated with any government agency. Many government records are available free or at a nominal cost from government agencies. National Deed Service is owned by licensed real estate broker Barry J. Isaacson and registered in Illinois. Please do not attempt to visit the Washington D.C. mailing address listed in the offer which is a virtual office provided by Regus Group Network."

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