Shaking the bankruptcy curse

Q: I have lost three homes to foreclosure and was forced to file bankruptcy. What do you recommend I do now?

A: Take a deep breath. You've probably been in fight-or-flight mode for many months or even years now, which can cause a constant state of panic and alarm, but also creates paralysis when it's time to act. It's time to simply stop and set yourself up for a successful recovery, emotionally and financially.

Mindset Management

Your first step? Let go of any embarrassment, shame or judgment you are placing on yourself about what has happened. These emotions are counterproductive and will keep you stuck feeling less than your true worth, which can cause problems when you need to be in action to rebuild your financial life.

I want you to also start rethinking your experience with the foreclosures and the bankruptcy. This starts with the words you use when you think about it. The phrase "lost homes to foreclosure" and "was forced to file bankruptcy" imply that you were a victim of foreclosure and bankruptcy.

There might, in fact, have been a number of factors that contributed to your situation that were totally beyond your control. However, I'm a big believer that if you claim responsibility for where you are now, you can claim the wisdom of the lessons about what you can do differently to avoid ever being in this situation again.

Here's a word trick to consider from the self-help world: Responsibility is the ability to respond. Start to look for how your own decisions and behavior created this situation. Don't dwell on it to the point that you live in guilt, just get an understanding and file that away in your mental "Life Lessons Learned" file.

Here's one more word trick I made up myself: Foreclosure is for closure. It's not for drama, self-flagellation, beating yourself up or staying stuck in a poor mindset. You created a situation that eventually culminated in three foreclosures. You're clear on the role you played.

Good -- now, keep it moving. It doesn't make sense to have experienced the costs of foreclosure if you're going to stay in a mindset of poverty, self-blame, blaming the bank or any other stuck state that prevents you from thriving going forward. It's done -- so let it go.

And I'd encourage you to avoid spinning tales of these "losses" with others, outside of a therapeutic context. That's one of the easiest ways to stay stuck and in the emotional depression that accompanies a personal financial depression like the one you've just come through.

I personally recommend "If the Buddha Got Stuck," a nonreligious book by Charlotte Kasl that is filled with strategies for kickstarting your new life. I'd also strongly encourage you to take a financial therapy teleclass from ConsciousBookkeeping.com, which will help you glean the lessons of your financial past and give you some concrete tools to reposition yourself for a prosperous future. ...CONTINUED

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