Trust thy agent?

Q: I am a first-time homebuyer in my 50s, and I have a problem with real estate agents. I am very private about my finances, and everyone I run into asks me questions that I'm not comfortable answering.

My mother grew up during the Depression and instilled in me a sense that I should be very skeptical, take my time making decisions and not just trust anyone who claims to be an expert. These values have stood me in good stead throughout my whole life, but they seem to cause me to clash with real estate agents, who want me to take their advice and make offers immediately, even though that's not my style.

I'll find one, work with them for awhile and then things fall apart. The last one actually told me that she wouldn't work with me anymore. What am I doing wrong here? I thought they would be much more grateful for my business than they seem to be.

A: I've written over and over again that if you're working with an agent, you need to trust their advice and that if you don't trust their advice -- for whatever reason -- you need to find a new agent who you do trust. Your question highlights the interesting dilemma of what to do if you're incapable of trusting any agent.

You are absolutely correct: Agents on today's tough market tend to be extremely grateful for any business they have, and in many areas, a qualified buyer is a prized client these days. However, most seasoned agents are clear that "business" that will never turn into an actual commission because of the client's mental obstacles to buying a home is not real business.

In fact, buyers who exhibit self-defeating behavior and are mentally stuck in an unrealistic view of the market or what it takes to be a successful buyer can actually cost a buyer's broker a lot of time, gas and money in the net analysis -- not to mention the opportunity costs of taking time and attention away from other clients who are ready, willing and able to buy or sell in the near future.

As I buyer's broker myself, I have a professional policy of hanging in with buyers as long as I see them doing their end of the work it takes to buy on today's market. If they show up, provide documents when needed by the mortgage broker, prioritize getting to hot properties in a timely manner, make offers expeditiously and write reality-realm offers on properties that fit reasonably well into their wants/needs matrix, I'll show them five houses or 50 houses.

When new clients come in that need some education about the market and what it takes to buy a home, I'll work with them through that process of learning what they can buy for the money, managing their mindsets accordingly, and even (unfortunately) losing a home or two, which puts the entire experience and market in perspective. ...CONTINUED

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