Homebuyers are liars: a poem

Poetry of the real estate persuasion

Happy Friday, Inman readers — here is a poem to start off your weekend.

Homebuyers are liars — we all know this is true,
My real-life examples I will share with you.
Let’s begin with a man who I met in the fall
At a sunglass kiosk in the back of the mall.

I showed him eight homes in the month of November;
When I followed up, it’s like he didn’t remember.
“Hey, Jon! It’s me; are you back in L.A.?
Do you have some time to see that listing today?”

A glimmer of hope — but already I know
His voice mail picked up three times in a row.
He never left; he has been dodging my calls …
What a waste of time and a kick to my balls!

Just a week to this day, my friend hit me up.
He wanted a condo for his girlfriend and pup.
I sent him some homes … and two hours later
He’s repped by his cousin, who is also a waiter.

At my open last Sunday, this couple waltzed through:
A nice older lady and her husband named Drew.
He wanted to write; his words cut like a knife.
“I don’t make decisions; talk to my wife.”

Drove this woman around for a couple of weeks
With a kid and her beagle, cleverly named “Squeaks.”
My whole weekend was wasted on this pointless hunt;
She was six months in debt, plus Squeaks crapped in the front.

I have one buyer left for a six-month lease,
So I picked up the phone and dialed my niece.
She answered and spoke the words we all fear:
“Thanks, but I’ll wait until the new year.”

The Broke Agent” provides comedic relief in an industry that is both stressful and unpredictable.

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