Getting over real estate grief

Re: 'New ground for mortgage rates' (May 22)

Dear Editor:

We need to grieve the loss of a market that has had a slow, lingering death. The market as we knew it is gone. Builders, brokers, consumers, vendors and investors would benefit by understanding the grief process and the "Five Stages of Grief":

1. Denial and Isolation.

Are we still in denial? The comparables and appraisals are showing huge differences between 2009 and 2005-07 numbers. At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place. "This can't be happening" and we withdraw from our usual social contacts.

2. Anger.

Angry at the banks, angry at the buyers who should have known better, angry at the agents and brokers who should have known better, angry at the government, which should have known better. Angry at ourselves for thinking we knew better. Even if, realistically, we know that anger only delays progress.

3. Bargaining.

If you will take the listing at a reduced rate, I can get my price. If you cut out print advertising, what can you do to make up the difference? "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression.

Anger turned inward -- numb and number. Frustrated. Bitter. Keep guns out of your house.

5. Acceptance.

This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have finally tapered off. It is what it is; accepting the reality of the loss is the final step. True acceptance. Not resignation. Accepting that what was is what was.

We have recently helped a family through this process. The asking price was $20,000 less than it would have been two years ago. The home received multiple offers, sold and closed in 45 days to a solid buyer with good credit scores and 20 percent down. Acceptance ensures focus on opportunities.

Vickie Flowe
Gibson Flowe Properties LLC
Charlotte, N.C.

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