It’s a scenario familiar to many real estate agents: A buyer client tours a home that they really like and then tells their agent they’d like to take the evening to decide whether to make an offer.

But the agent knows the home could go under contract at any moment. How do they convey the urgency of the situation to their client?

Some may invoke a time-honored adage: “If you sleep on it, you will not sleep in it.”

That’s just one of many epigrams real estate agents can break out in times of need. Sourced from Inman’s social following and the real estate Facebook group Lead Gen Scripts and Objections, here are 50 one-liners that real estate pros can use to impress or motivate clients.

1. “Buyers are liars.”

2. “If you sleep on it, you will not [or “you might not”] sleep in it.”

3. “Help me help you make money.” (Contributed by John P Meiden)


(Contributed by Denny Grimes)

5. “You’re not paying me to lie to you.” (Contributed by Sanna Palo)

6. “I don’t want to price it high and chase the market; I’d rather price it right and let the market chase us.” (Contributed by Andrew Walker)

7. “Don’t buy the wrong house because it has the right finishes.” (Contributed by Jenny Sharpe)

8. “If an agent walks in and tells you what he can sell your home for, he is either guessing or lying, and both should disqualify that person as a professional.” (Contributed by Denny Grimes)

9. “I’ve got buyers interested in your area.” (Contributed by Andrew Levy)

10. “Is there any reason for us not to move forward?” (Contributed by Jonathan D. Kirk)

11. “I don’t show houses. I sell houses.” (Contributed by Martine Addison)

12. “I reduce my commission every time we reduce your price to sell!” (Contributed by Sue Kochan Hutchinson)

13. “Just because you pour syrup on something doesn’t make it pancakes.” (Contributed by James Love Lester)

14. “I’m no photographer, but I can picture you in this house.” (Contributed by Renee Hughes Scattergood)

15. “I can tell you what you want to hear, or what you need to know.” (Contributed by Scott Geller)

16. “Your house is worth what it’s worth. Not what you want it to be worth.” (Contributed by Kit Schroeder)

17. “Do I have your permission to be completely honest.” (Contributed by George Belleville)

18. “… And I return phone calls.” (Contributed by Sarah Desamours)

19. “I look at a hundred deals a day, I pick one.” (Contributed by “Chicago Investor”)

20. “Your house smells like cat pee.” (Contributed by George Belleville)

21. “Ninety percent of the people in the world hate wallpaper — the other 10 percent hate your wallpaper.” (Contributed by Janet Tidwell)

22. “Mr. and Mrs. Seller, we are in a price war and a beauty contest, and in order for us to sell your home fast, we have to win at both.” (Contributed by Robert Little)

23. “If the medicine you’re taking isn’t working, taking more of it or taking it for a longer period of time won’t change the outcome.” (Contributed by Denny Grimes)

24. “What’s more important to you, what the buyer who saw your home thinks or what the dozens of buyers who choose not to see your home think?” (Contributed by Danny Grimes)

25. “Coffee is for closers.” (Contributed by Adam Vellano)

26. “Good things are seldom cheap. And cheap things are seldom good.” (Contributed by Edwin Gerace)

27. “The price we set will either sell your home or your neighbor’s. Which would you prefer?” (Contributed by Ryan Hukill)

28. “I’m not in the business of listing homes, I’m in the business of selling them.” (Contributed by Gabriel Deukmaji)

29. “How’s that working for you?” (Contributed by Jennifer St.Clair)

30. “It’s a process.” (Contributed by Chris Goodman)

31. “Do you want to put an offer in on a house, or would you actually like to buy your home?” (Contributed by Todd Paxton)

32. “There are no emergencies in real estate.” (Contributed by Todd Paxton)

33. “Buy low. Sell high. And marry bread.” (Contributed by Bob Walatka)

34. “An expired listing means you were the highest bidder for your home.” (Contributed by Keith Laursen)

35. “And, ultimately, what will that do for you?” (Contributed by Stacey Costanzo)

36. “So play the tape all the way through; where does that lead?” (Contributed by Jason Gault)

37. “Don’t play me, play the lotto.” (Contributed by Daniel W. Martinez)

38. “It’s better to hurt you with the truth than comfort you with a lie.” (Contributed by Maureen Driscoll-Boyle)

39. “There is only one color in real estate and it’s green!” (An allusion to fair housing laws; contributed by Elissa Hart Peer)

40. “Do you want to price you home to sell or do you want to price your home to sit?” (Contributed by Elissa Hart Peer)

41. “If its and buts were chips and nuts, we’d have one heck of a party.” (Contributed by Dave Augustine)

42. “You can’t sell what you can smell (for the smoking seller)” (Contributed by Elza Hayen)

43. “When you allow me to do my best, this will be your last time on the market.” (Contributed by Dana B. Sanfiorenzo Cadena)

44. “I don’t have a crystal ball.”

45. “Nice shoes. Want to buy a house?” (Contributed by Rob Wagner)

46. “Sixty percent of the time it works every time.” (Contributed by Michael Constantine)

47. “I have a question about the offer you submitted — what half of the home is your buyer attempting to buy?” (Contributed by Denny Grimes)

48. “Tell me, are your buyers really expecting to buy the house for this amount or do they just want to open negotiations?” (Delivered by a listing agent to a buyer’s agent who submits an offer below a home’s asking price; contributed by Denny Grimes)

49. “My services are free to you.” (Delivered by a buyer’s agent to a prospective buyer; contributed by Bill Metzler)

50. “Is he a looker or a buyer?” (Contributed by Elza Hayen)

UPDATE: We’ve added some more one-liners that readers have sent our way since the story published. We might also add some one-liners contributed in the comments section. 

51. “The third showing is the new second showing.” (Contributed by Phil Faranda)

52. “Cozy step-saving kitchen.” (Contributed by John L. Heithaus)

53. “It’s always better to buy Real estate and wait than to wait and buy real estate.” (Contributed by Bill Lublin)

54. “You make a living selling real estate but you get wealthy buying real estate.” (Contributed by Bill Lublin)

55. “It’s always better to be someone’s first love, second spouse and third listing agent.” (Contributed by Mark R. Hobbs)

56. “I’m never to busy for your referrals.” (Contributed by Dane Briggs — “Most overused phrase!” he adds)

57. “I’ve been in the business for XX years.” (Contributed by Phil Faranda)

58. “I’m not going to tell you what you want to hear; I’m going to tell you what you need to hear if you want to get your home sold.” (Contributed by Roberta Michelson Murphy)

59. “Money talks. Bullshit walks.” (Contributed by Derek Eisenberg)

60. “Buy the best, you only cry once.” (Contributed by Victor Lund)

61. “If a low offer happens in a forest of full price offers, did the low offer ever happen?” (Contributed by John Pohly)

62. “I rather say “no” to 10 low offers than “yes” to none!” (Contributed by Norberto Vignoli)

63. “I’m not a salesman; I’m a matchmaker. I introduce people to homes, until they fall in love with one, then I’m a wedding planner.” (Contributed by Aaron Smith)

64. “List price doesn’t determine market value, it only determines how long your house will be on the market.” (Contributed by Bob Hansen)

65. “What four letter word does an agent use, when a deal falls apart? Next!” (Contributed by Aaron Smith)

66. “The way we sell our home and the way we live in our home are two very different things.” (Contributed by Deb Mundell-O’Connor)

67. “Put dollars in one hand and the days left in your life in the other and you decide which is more important.” (Delivered by a listing agent to a seller, contributed Tom Tezak)

68. “If your business depends on distressed property deals you have a business in distress.” (Contributed by Pete LaBriola)

69. “Getting a buyer’s agent to represent you, will be the best money you never spent!” (Contributed by Aaron Smith)

70. “This may not be the offer you want; but it’s the offer you’ve got!” (Contributed by Aaron Smith)

71. “I work for free until the closing.” (Contributed by Ralph Magin)

72. “I work for my clients, not my commission.” (Contributed by Johanna Devon)

73. “The market is rejecting your price.” (Contributed by Maureen McDermut)

74. “That guy sold you a two-story home. One story before you bought it and an entirely different story after you closed.” (Contributed by Murray Robertson)

75 “This is a ‘maintenance free home’.” (in reference to a rundown home, contributed by Murray Robertson)

76. “I’m a Realtor, not a magician. (Contributed by Gregg Holman)

77. “My crystal ball is in the shop.” (Contributed by Cathy Frank)

Have some real estate one-liners of your own? Share them below!

Email Teke Wiggin.

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