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Welcome to Lead with Fire: A soulful series for real estate game changers. This is more than business advice. “Lead with Fire” is a transformative series created for the soulful, visionary humans in the real estate industry who are done with the old playbook and ready to redefine success on their own terms.
She wanted to be on that stage.
My client, a brilliant and driven woman who already leads business meetings and speaks at association events, came to me with a new goal: to speak at her brokerage’s annual conference. Not just attend. Not just sit in the audience. She wanted to own the mic. Share her story. Make an impact.
Together, we created a plan. We uncovered the message she most wanted to share, mapped out how to organically elevate her voice and expertise within her day-to-day work and gave her the structure to take bold, aligned action.
She submitted her proposal, complete with a short video, and waited.
When the invitation came, it was more than she imagined: She was selected to speak on the main stage and lead a breakout session for her peers.
The feedback? “Your confidence radiates.”
Her confidence wasn’t accidental. It was cultivated.
We’ve all seen the glossy highlight reels: the keynote speaker who owns the stage, the CEO who commands a room, the influencer with perfect captions and curated charisma. And we wonder, were they born that way?
The answer? Nope. True leadership isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about leading from who you are, not who you think you “should” be.
“Shoulding” on yourself is not recommended — ever.
Confidence and clarity are cultivated through intention, aligned action and a deep trust in yourself.
The myths of leadership
Let’s reframe a few:
Myth No. 1: Confident leaders never doubt themselves
Truth: Everyone doubts themselves. The difference is how we respond to that doubt.
Myth No. 2: You have to be loud, extroverted or dominating to lead
Truth: Some of the most powerful leaders are calm, quiet, deeply intuitive forces.
Myth No. 3: Leadership means having all the answers
Truth: True leadership is about asking the right questions, listening deeply and guiding with integrity.
Confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice
Confidence doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from being aligned.
You can ditch posturing or pretending when you’re clear on your values (hello, article No. 1) and grounded in your purpose (hey, article No. 2). You lead with presence, and people feel it.
Clarity is knowing your direction. Confidence is trusting yourself to walk it.
Clarity also helps you discern:
- When to speak up
- What to say yes or no to
- How to respond to challenges with resilience instead of reactivity
And here’s the best part — it’s a muscle you can strengthen.
My confidence catalyst
There was a time when I second-guessed nearly everything — every email, every offer, every step forward in my work. I’d been praised for being “put together,” but inside, I felt stuck between who I was supposed to be and the calling I couldn’t ignore.
Everything shifted when I stopped trying to perform leadership and, instead, began to embody it.
I got clear on what I stand for. I ditched the masks and costumes that made me comfortable and began showing up for and as myself. I stood taller in rooms where I once felt too much or not enough. I asked for what I needed. I trusted my intuition. I said “no” without apology. And every time I did, my confidence grew.
The most powerful leaders I know, including the phenomenal women inside the Red Threads Collective, are not the loudest. They’re the most aligned. They lead from their center. And that is magnetic.
A confidence challenge
This week, I invite you to take one bold action: Speak up in one area where you’ve been holding back.
Maybe it’s making a request, setting a boundary, sharing your truth or stepping into a role you’ve resisted. Let it be messy, real and wildly you. Remember, confidence doesn’t require certainty, only courage.
Reflective journal prompts
Take a few quiet moments to explore these journal prompts. Let your pen move without judgment. Confidence grows in self-awareness.
- Where in my life or leadership am I holding back my full expression? What part of me is craving to be seen, heard, or honored more fully?
- What does “confidence” feel like in my body? When have I felt most aligned and alive? Let your body remember that moment — breathe into it.
- What beliefs or stories am I ready to release about what it means to be a leader? Am I leading from truth… or from someone else’s template?
- What would it look like to trust myself just 10% more this week? Where could I let go of overthinking and lean into inner knowing?
- How do I want others to feel in my presence? How do I want to feel? What energy do I want to embody and extend into every room I enter?
- What action have I been avoiding that, deep down, I know I’m ready for? Even a small step in that direction is a radical act of leadership.
Mantra to Lead With Fire
“I trust myself to take up space. I lead from my center, not someone else’s expectations.”
Next up in the Lead with Fire series: Energy management for soulful leaders: How to protect your fire without burning out
In our next post, we’ll delve into one of the most overlooked keys to long-term success: managing your energy effectively. Because it’s not about doing more; it’s about protecting your fire.
Debra Trappen is the founder of the Red Threads Collective, a sacred community for women entrepreneurs. Connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn.
