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As Congress considers a bill to purchase Greenland and rename it “Red, White and Blueland,” Danes have proposed an equally comical offer — the U.S. can have Greenland if Denmark can have California.
“Have you ever looked at a map and thought, ‘You know what Denmark needs? More sunshine, palm trees, and roller skates,’” the petition read. “Well, we have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make that dream a reality. Let’s buy California from Donald Trump!”
“Yes, you heard that right,” it added. “California could be ours, and we need your help to make it happen.”
The petition, which has nearly 220,000 signatures, says the deal would be mutually beneficial for Californians and Danes. Danes would get access to California’s tech and entertainment innovation, easier access to the state’s bountiful inventory of avocados — although they should be wary of avocado toast’s negative impact on the housing market — and ownership of Disneyland, which they’ll immediately rename Hans Christian Andersenland.
On the flip side, Californians will learn how to live the hygge life, a Danish and Norwegian word that describes a lifestyle focused on slowing down and enjoying simple pleasures. The Beverly Hills elite will be able to ditch their cars after the Danes add some much-needed bike lanes, and there will be an organic smørrebrød (i.e. open-faced rye sandwiches) stand on every street corner.
Lastly, the Danes have promised to provide free universal healthcare and “fact-based politics,” two things that might soften their last requirement — renaming California to New Denmark.
The deal, they said, will include a purchase price of $1 trillion and a lifetime supply of Danish pastries, something they believe will be irresistible to President Trump as he eyes Greenland.
“Let’s be honest — Trump isn’t exactly California’s biggest fan. He’s called it ‘the most ruined state in the Union’ and has feuded with its leaders for years,” the petition read. “We’re pretty sure he’d be willing to part with it for the right price.”
“So, what do you say, Denmark?” it added. “Let’s make history and buy California. Together, we can bring a little bit of Danish magic to the Golden State – and maybe even teach them how to pronounce ‘rødgrød med fløde.’ Sign now, and let’s make New Denmark a reality!”
The satirical offer comes on the heels of President Trump’s push to pry Greenland from Denmark, which owns, but doesn’t govern, the island nation.
Trump’s obsession with Greenland comes from the country’s position in the Arctic, an area that’s been important to the U.S. military since the Cold War. The U.S. was able to use the GIUK gap — the informal name for the stretch of water between Greenland, Iceland and the U.K. — to keep Soviet submarines at bay.
The GUIK gap has become more important in recent years as climate change breaks the Arctic’s ecosystem and opens once-frozen waterways. In 2021, China unveiled a five-year plan that includes increased military presence in the Arctic. Meanwhile, Russia, which stretches across 53 percent of Arctic coastlines, has asserted its ownership over the planet’s northernmost ocean.
“I think Greenland will be worked out with us. I think we’re going to have it. And I think the people want to be with us,” Trump said in a statement on Jan. 26. “I don’t know really what claim Denmark has to it. But it would be a very unfriendly act if they didn’t allow that to happen because it’s for the protection of the free world. It’s not for us, it’s for the free world.”
Trump and Secretary of State Marco Rubio continue to float the idea of purchasing Greenland, despite Danish and Greenlander legislators continually shutting down the deal.
”Greenland is not for sale,” Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen said in a public statement during a recent visit to Greenland. “Greenland is not Danish. Greenland belongs to Greenland. I strongly hope that this is not meant seriously.”
“We have a good cooperation with the USA,” Greenland’s government added in a separate statement. “Of course, Greenland is not for sale.”
