For decades, I taught real estate licensing and CE classes at the college level as well as for associations and companies across the country. When I first started my Coach U training to become a Master Certified Coach, an important cornerstone of their training was learning how to set boundaries in both your business and personal life.
In other words, that means learning to say “no” to clients who are overly demanding, don’t respect you and are emotionally abusive. Do you have anyone like that in your business right now?
I remember an agent who was so afraid of losing a $500,000 deal that she was sleeping with her phone under her pillow. The buyers had already backed out of two previous transactions and would call her at all hours of the day and night. They expected her to be available even during the three hours a week when she was in my CE class to renew her license.
Why did she tolerate it? Because she had no other buyers, she desperately needed the commission and she was afraid that if she told them “no” even once, the transaction would fall apart.
I was very blunt with her. I told her that they were probably not going to close, and they were using her. If they hadn’t been under contract, I would have also told her it’s time to fire them.
That’s tough advice to hear when you’re financially desperate and emotionally exhausted, and even harder advice to follow.
Needless to say, the deal didn’t close. She went through months of misery with zero return.
Desperation has a price tag
When you’re desperate for new leads, a closing or commission, you’re far more likely to put up with behavior you would never tolerate if you had reserves, options and a clear standard for who you’re willing to serve.
The most dangerous part is that, in desperation, you rationalize that they have good reason for being difficult, you’re committed to being of service, or you can’t afford to lose them due to a financial situation or because they were a referral.
If you look back at your worst clients, you’ll probably see very consistent patterns. They don’t respect your time, they make unreasonable demands about what they expect you to do, or they demand that you reduce your commission when there is an issue.
When you see this type of behavior occurring, cut them loose or refer them to another agent. Don’t wait. When they show you exactly who they are and violate your boundaries, get rid of them.
Warning signs you can’t afford to ignore
Watch for the buyer who won’t get pre-approved but still expects you to drop everything to show a new listing that just came on the market, has looked at over 20 properties and not made an offer, or who cancels at the last minute, leaving you to call the listing agent and explain why the seller cleaned house for nothing.
In terms of sellers, red flags are apparent in those who insist their price is right even after the agents who have shown it have consistently said it’s overpriced or you’re getting no showings at all. Their solution is, of course, that you need to hold more open houses and spend more money on marketing.
The longer you stay in the situation, the worse it gets
The client who ignores your boundaries when you first start working with them usually becomes progressively worse. It definitely increases when they go under contract. Typical patterns include unreasonable demands for physical inspection report repairs, documents and contingencies not completed on time, plus blaming everyone else for the transaction problems they’re causing.
Only work with people who meet your standard
Of all the agents I have met in my career, Ira Serkes is the best example of having clear boundaries and standards about which clients are right for his business. In a 2011 Inman article, Serkes outlined which boundaries he enforces in his business:
“I only work with clients who are buying or selling a home within 15 minutes from my home, they must meet specific price range and down-payment criteria and, if not, I refer them to another agent.”
After making this decision, Serkes marketed himself as “The happiest agent in Berkeley,” and in the first year of using this approach, he made $60,000 in referral fees.
The reason agents often struggle to turn down business is that they are attached to the outcome. While the attachment is the symptom, the source of it is usually a lack of reserves of time and money.
Reserves create courage. Lack of reserves creates desperation
When you don’t have enough cash to get through a slow month, you have unexpected bills or a canceled closing, you lose the ability to say “no.” Every prospect starts to look like a solution that will let you meet the crisis you’re facing.
Reserves aren’t just a financial strategy; they can be the reason you can afford to say “no”. In other words, they allow you to set boundaries such as
- “I don’t take calls at 2 a.m.”
- “I won’t take you out to view property until you’re pre-approved.”
- “I won’t keep marketing a listing when the seller is unwilling to reduce the price on an overpriced listing.
Practice your ‘no’ muscle before you need it
When I first started my teleclass leader training at Coach U, my late husband, Byron Van Arsdale, was the one leading it. One time, he gave me the assignment to say “no” to any request anyone made of me. After I said “no,” he told me not to explain.
If there was an issue that needed my attention, I could say, “My coach gave me an exercise to first tell anyone who asks a question, to answer ‘no.’” At that point, I addressed whatever the issue was.
Byron often told his 1:1 coaching clients that small decisions build power. You don’t reclaim your life in one dramatic move. You reclaim it one boundary, one baby step, at a time.
Bernice Ross is president and CEO of BrokerageUP and RealEstateCoach.com, the founder of Profit.RealEstate and a national speaker, author and trainer with over 1,500 published articles.
