This May marks Inman’s sixth annual Agent Appreciation Month. Look for profiles of top producers, opinions on the current state of the industry and tangible takeaways you can implement in your career today. Plus, the prestigious Future Leaders of Real Estate return this month, too.
A number of years ago it seemed like a good idea to pack ourselves and four of our young kids into a camper van conversion and hit the road for three weeks. We planned to drive from California’s San Francisco Bay Area up to Vancouver Island, Canada, do a loop across the Rocky Mountains into Northern Alberta and then meander back down through Idaho.
About three hours into the trip, we began to doubt our sanity. Not only did the kids not adapt well to the confines of the relatively small vehicle, but the tiny portable TV with a built-in VHS player we had thoughtfully provided in the rear belted out repeats of Disney movies until we all had them memorized.
After visiting numerous friends and relatives, we left Calgary, Alberta, with the goal of getting back to California, and our sanity, as quickly as possible. Eventful in many ways, the highlight of the trip came as we hit the Canada-U.S. border crossing at Eastport, Idaho.
While our two oldest children were Caucasian, the youngest two were African-American. As we drove up to the U.S. Customs checkpoint, I rolled down the window and greeted the customs officer. He asked the normal questions: “Where do you live?” “How long were you gone?” “Are you bringing anything back you need to declare?” and so on.
Then he asked if we were all U.S. citizens. I explained that I was American, my wife was Canadian, our Caucasian daughter was Canadian, our Caucasian son was both American and Canadian and our youngest daughter, who is African American, was a U.S. citizen.
It was clear the officer was having a difficult time tracking all of this, when suddenly, without warning, our youngest, a small-for-his-age African American four-year-old who was hiding behind my seat, stuck his small head out my window and waved at the officer. Taken aback, the official looked at me, at my son’s impish face, back at me and then stated, “I don’t even want to know; get out of here!”
And then, a number of years later, came 911. Everything changed. Casual document-free entry at the borders screamed to a halt. Shortly after, headed to Canada in a rush due to my father’s passing, my wife forgot to bring her green card.
While she had her passport and U.S. customs had a copy of her green card on file, on our return home, a U.S. customs official refused her access to the U.S. until, scant moments before our flight was to depart, they finally allowed her to board the plane, but only after paying a fine.
Fast forward to today, and things have changed even more: The numerous Canadian family members and friends scheduled to come down and visit us this year have all canceled their trips.
Change is inevitable
It has been said that change is the only certainty we face in life. The problem with change is that you seldom see it coming, but, once it occurs, there is no going back. Those carefree days at border crossings where you could enter with no ID are long gone. The possibility of any future trips with my young children is also gone.
It is true with relationships as well: I received a call out of the blue a couple of years ago from a niece. My younger brother had been walking through an airport on his way to visit a friend when, with no warning, a massive heart attack instantly ended his life. There is no going back; all we are left with are the memories.
We all tend to believe we have endless time to do the things in life that matter but, unfortunately, things change and, before we realize it, we are out of time. In the section of his book entitled Time Wealth, Sahil Bloom, author of The 5 Types of Wealth, makes some poignant remarks concerning time and the changes that happen in life, emphasizing, “It’s later than you think.”
“There are specific windows — much shorter than you care to imagine or admit — during which certain people and relationships will occupy your life. You may have only one more summer with all of your siblings, two more trips with that old group of friends, a few more years with your wise old aunt, a handful of encounters with that co-worker you love, or one more long walk with your parents. If you fail to appreciate or recognize these windows, they will quickly disappear.”
Most people believe they have a good idea where they spend their time. The graph below, however, based on the data from The American Time Use Study, puts things into shocking perspective.
Image source: Craig Munro, METRO
The simple truth is this: Unless you make a conscious choice to spend your time where it really matters, the inevitable changes in your life will rule out many of your choices — and in many cases, much sooner than you think. Harry Chapin’s song “Cat’s in the Cradle” is a vivid reminder of this.
The irony of this song is that Chapin was killed in a car crash at age 38 when his son was only 9 years old. He not only never got to see his son grow up, but his career was cut short, and his son never had the opportunity to be like his dad as he might have been had he lived longer.
The choices we make now to actively manage the time we have remaining in a constructive way will set the stage for how we live the rest of our lives. — Carl Medford
You are more than your work
I recently heard of a woman in Canada whose retirement is scheduled to start in about 30 days. She is beside herself looking at the looming deadline, with no idea what she will do once this new chapter in her life begins.
She had poured herself into her job and, as the end is nearing, is discovering that she has no identity outside of her career. She had never taken the time to develop any hobbies or meaningful relationships, nor does she have a good relationship with her children, one of whom is homeless and whose whereabouts and condition is mostly unknown.
Making matters worse, her husband, recently semi-retired, has begun spending the majority of his free days on the golf course. Adding insult to injury has been the impending financial crisis in Canada, which has been dealing devastating blows to their retirement funds.
As her husband is gone most days, is unwilling to travel (other than to the links) and has developed a deeply negative frame of mind obsessing over the economy and their financial situation, she is left looking at what should have been a liberating time in her life as an impending nightmare. Instead of joyfully anticipating the days ahead, she is looking at them with dread.
A meaningful life needs to be planned. Unfortunately, many of us choose, instead, to live from moment to moment, letting the tyranny of the urgent get in the way of the truly important.
In a business such as real estate, there are no end of distractions that can come at us at all times of the day and without warning. It will take some serious thought, preparation and commitment to be able to bring your time in line with your future hopes, goals and aspirations. Here are 5 recommendations:
1. Take time to identify your life goals and priorities
Sit down with a pad of paper in a quiet place where you cannot be distracted, turn off your phone, and get away from your email and social media. You might even consider going on a retreat where you can have a chunk of undisturbed time to think.
Start asking yourself some deep questions.
- What do you believe is truly important?
- What do you want your life to look like in 10 years? Twenty years?
- What types of relationships do you want to maintain or even develop as life moves onward?
- What do you hope to accomplish after you have retired?
These are not the classic vision board items such as a nice car, trip to France or big house; none of those things will really matter if you end up with no friends, alienated family members and so on.
2. Analyze your current activities
Start with your days: Write down everything you do on a daily basis. Since days will differ, provide a list for every day of the week.
Interestingly, many people get to bedtime and have no idea how they spent their time that day. You should consider a period of time during which you have a pad of paper or journal with you constantly to record your times and activities as you go through the day.
On a separate page, list weekly recurring activities, monthly activities and then yearly events.
3. Categorize your activities
Once you have a good idea of where you are spending your time, split the various activities into categories and then rank them in order of importance. A model that has been used for years by many is the Eisenhower Matrix:
Image source: RC Victorino
Dwight D. Eisenhower, a decorated military leader and the 34th U.S. President, served from 1953 to 1961. He was the Supreme Commander of the Allied Expeditionary Force in Europe during WWII and later oversaw the planning and execution of Operation Torch and the invasion of Normandy.
As president of the United States after President Harry Truman, he oversaw the construction of the Interstate Highway System, expanded Social Security, and took steps to integrate the military. He also signed the first significant civil rights bill since Reconstruction.
Considered one of the most significant world leaders of the past century, Eisenhower was known for saying: “I have two kinds of problems: the urgent and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.”
Faced with decisions that marked many turning points in his career, he used this matrix to manage his time so that the truly important things were accomplished while avoiding getting enmeshed in things that did not matter. It serves as a useful tool to help us prioritize everything we do.
4. Be willing to make some tough decisions
We have all heard the analogy of a person spending all of their time and resources climbing the ladder of success, only to reach the top and discover that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall.
You may become the top producer in your state or build the largest real estate team on the planet and achieve all your financial dreams, but, after you retire, you will be forgotten as the next person climbs the ladder after you. Success is fleeting and, after you have died, that success will not matter one iota.
In Bloom’s case, living on the West Coast while his parents lived on the other side of the country, he describes how, after realizing the limited number of times he could reasonably expect to see his parents again, he chose to relocate to be close to his parents.
My wife and I made the same decision a number of years ago: Realizing we had spent the majority of our time with our older grandkids in the San Francisco Bay Area, we chose a concrete date at which time we would sell our Bay Area home and move two states away from our businesses to be closer to the younger grandkids.
It has not been easy, but the pandemic changed the rules of engagement, making it more possible to run a business remotely. We also fly in to interact with our teams and clients on a regular basis.
Ironically, it is the decisions we do not make that tend to produce the most regrets: The games we did not attend, the trips we did not make, the time we did not spend with loved ones and so on. In every case, once the opportunity is over, it is permanently in the rearview mirror of life; there is no going back.
5. It’s not too late
While you will never be able to do some things again, the future is open to you with opportunity. New friends. New hobbies. New goals, both for life and business. While some changes may need to be drastic — such as a move to the other side of the country to be closer to family — others can be small, incremental changes that will have a compound effect over time.
As an example, a simple decision to leave the office at 5 p.m. every day and spend dinner with your family instead of lingering into the evening hours can have a compounding effect on your family relationships. If you can manage that dinner with all hands present, allow no phones or TV, and instead, engage in productive conversations, so much the better.
You can also set aside time to pursue your passions. I am amazed at how many do not have hobbies or other meaningful activities; many simply default to reruns on TV.
My wife just decided to fulfill a lifelong dream to learn how to sail. She has taken the plunge and is loving every minute of it. She also started to paint with watercolors, and we have discovered amazing talent that had been hidden for years.
We are in a time of massive change in our industry. Real estate as we have known it is gone forever. Factor in a morphing market with higher interest rates, limited inventory and the potential of tariffs, and we are in a veritable perfect storm.
Now that the changes have occurred:
- How will you navigate the way forward?
- Will you let the current reality rob you of joy and passion, or will you embrace the change and chart a new course ahead?
- Are you willing to pay the price required to hone your skills, hunker down and press into the new realities, or will you simply go with the flow of the past and let your business and dreams get swept out to sea?
There will always be tough decisions required when aligning your life and your business to goals that really matter. Those who dive in and commit are the ones who, as life progresses, live fully, knowing that they made the most of the opportunities they had as they came along. In the end, they are the ones who are truly successful.
Carl Medford is the CEO of The Medford Team.
